Tongue Tied
by Mythdefied
Summary: Joxer won't shut up. Xena makes him. Het fic, Joxer&Xena.


General Comments: Huh. The slasher writes het again. And Strife isn't anywhere to be seen. It's some kind of end of world sign, isn't it? Well, whatever it is enjoy the Joxer and the Xena. And the tongue.

Because **devinharris** needs to embrace the Joxer and **atalantapendrag** needs the het. Blame them blame them! And because I rather like the idea of Xena and Joxer.

Warnings: Nothing really bad, just lots of tongue and suggestiveness. And maybe a hint of kink. Because would it be me without that?

Disclaimers: I don't own them, but I can dream can't I?

Archive: My site, my LJ and Joxerotica.

**Tongue Tied**  
by Erin  
November 2004

Xena could feel a headache coming on.

"This will be _great_, I'm telling you!" Joxer leaned forward with a wide grin. "Just you and me, Joxer the Mighty and his sidekick, Xena! Out saving Greece from monsters and warlords. Gabrielle can write about it when she gets back from that bard's contest in Thebes. And hey! Won't _she_ be sorry she missed out on--ouch!" He jerked back away from the campfire, rubbing his arm with a frown at the spitted hare that was blackening nicely and occasionally spitting out droplets of juice.

"Almost done," Joxer said, grinning again. "And there's another thing, I'm a _much_ better cook than Gabby."

Xena remained silent, fingers continuing their slow tapping against the hilt of her sword, laying in its scabbard on the ground beside her. It was a nice sword. Nice and sharp. And that was a nice, long neck Joxer had. Sword, meet neck. Just one, clean swing and she'd have sweet, blessed, beautiful silence. But there'd be blood, lots of it, maybe enough to smother the fire and it was turning out to be a cool night, so that idea was out.

Yeah, that was definitely a headache. It was shaping up to be a massive one too.

"You know, I thought you'd talk a lot more once Gabby was gone."

Like she could get a word in edgewise?

Pulling out that ridiculously dull boot knife of his, Joxer began sawing off a piece of the hare, or trying to at any rate. "You know --ow-- warrior to warrior, we could -- ow, hot! -- trade stories of all our -- owow_ouch_ -- battles!" Finally spearing the small piece of meat, he quickly shoved the fingers of his other hand in his mouth. Not that it stopped the continual flow of words, they were just a bit...muffled.

"I made up that new verse of my song for you and me, that one I was singing this morning?"

All morning, actually. Over and over and over and maybe her chakram would work. If she just embedded it in his chest there wouldn't be a big spray of blood so the fire would be safe. But...no, that scrap metal of Joxer's would probably dull the edge and Xena really didn't want to spend the next day resharpening it.

"I thought, you know, maybe you could make up a verse too, and we could sing it together tomorrow." Joxer smiled brightly as he pulled his fingers from his mouth with a _pop_, then licked them, tongue flicking over visibly reddened tips.

Xena reached up with her non-sword-tapping hand to rub at her temple.

"Just think about it, Xena! You and me, traveling together for a whole fortnight. Isn't it great?" He pulled the meat off his knife with his teeth, swallowing it down without bothering to chew, something that would've made Xena choke. Didn't he have a gag reflex? He licked his lips, tongue sliding across lightly chapped skin, leaving them glistening. They weren't bad lips.

She rubbed harder.

Joxer frowned as he leaned forward to spear a small piece of meat that was hanging loose. "You look kind of tense. I guess it's been a long day and wow, I didn't know you could move that fast. It's a good thing I can run faster, huh? Otherwise I might've lost you and then I wouldn't be here to help you fight the forces of evil." He ate that piece of meat as quickly as the first, swallowing and licking and this time his tongue reached out to catch a tiny sliver of meat that had caught at the corner of his mouth.

"This is good; you should have some!" he said, wiping away a smear of grease from his chin. Fingers to his mouth, tongue out and licking them clean. Long, wet strokes, tongue wrapping around the tips of his fingers, soft slurping noise.

Her fingers were stroking the sword hilt now, she realized. Pulling her hand back, she rested it on her thigh, fingers deliberately spread out, held still, controlled.

"So how long until we get to the next town? Are we gonna be fighting any warlords there, or is it something to do with Ares?" His eyes took on an excited gleam as he cut off another piece of meat, shaking his fingers with a wince when he sat back, droplets of juice flying from them.

One landed on her thigh, quick flash of heat, dwindling to tolerable warmth. It shined in the firelight. Her fingers twitched towards it.

"Because, if it's Ares, I'm definitely the guy you want with you. I've handled the God of War before and I'll take him down now. Joxer the Mighty is the best, after all." He licked his fingers first this time, the meat held to the side. Sucking, tongue sliding up those long, long fingers, curling around one, then the other.

The fire was warm, maybe too warm now, enough to make Xena want to unbuckle a strap or two, a piece of armor here or there. The hand at her temple was already sliding over the buckle at her shoulder before she forced it down to join her other hand, resting still on her thigh.

"But if it's just a warlord, I don't mind taking him on by myself, you know. I bet they've all heard of me by now and if they see us there together, they'll just run away because we're too much for them. So I'd better handle it myself." The meat disappeared between his lips, the tip of the knife blade held there briefly, sliding back out slowly. Another slow lick across his lips; such a long, pink tongue.

Her thighs clenched. Involuntary as her breath catching, as the dig of her fingers into skin.

"If it's just another town, are we stopping for supplies? Because I'm kind of low on dinars right now." Slice, lick, slurp, swallow, lick.

And how long had it been exactly? Not since Draco. Far too long.

"Did you give Gabrielle all your money or did you save some? Or are we just foraging for the next couple weeks? That's okay if we are! I'm a great hunter, you know. Iolly--Elasu--Eyelid--that guy who hangs around with Hercules, I taught him a thing or two." Joxer pulled the meat off the blade this time and caught it on his tongue, pulling it into his mouth, sucking his fingers in along the way.

"Mmm," he moaned, a sound muffled by the fingers he pulled free with a long slurp. "You sure you don't want any? It's not good to go hungry after traveling so hard." He sucked at his lower lip, pulling the juice off, hint of tongue, just visible, just there.

Her hands weren't obeying, one thumb stroking her thigh, back and forth, the other slowly, so slowly, sliding up beneath her kilt.

"Here." Joxer sliced off another piece, sticking it on the tip of his knife before leaning forward and offering it to her. "I promise, it's really good." One of those wide, happy smiles. "I know I'm always in a better mood after I eat." Flick of his tongue, catching the last drop of juice on his top lip, wet. So very wet.

Xena bent forward, but not to take the knife. She brought one hand up to wrap around his wrist, hold him there. His eyes widened slightly, so large and brown, as she slowly took the piece of meat between her teeth, gaze never leaving his as she pulled it free and sucked it into her mouth.

Gamy, spicy flavor, bursting over her tongue. Juicy and hot and flavored exactly right.

"G--good?" Joxer asked, suddenly sounding far less certain of himself.

Xena smiled slightly as she chewed.

"Okay," he swallowed hard. "So, um, do you want more? Because I'm still kind of hungry and I think I'll keep eating." He tugged at his wrist. She tightened her grip.

It wouldn't be difficult at all to find something to say about the pleasures of eating, a good play on words, something that would pass right over Joxer's head and only get her that blank, clueless look of his that annoyed her nearly as much as his constant chattering. It was far easier to just act.

"Xena! _What_--?" It was all she gave him time to say before he hit the ground, flat on his back with a loud clatter of metal, knife flying in one direction, helmet bouncing away in the other.

Straddling his chest, Xena grabbed a handful of his short brown hair.

"Hey--ow!" He winced, one of his hands grabbed her thigh, then he quickly let go with another wince when he seemed to realize just what he'd grabbed.

Her smile widened, but she supposed it wasn't anything like the open, friendly expressions Joxer wore because he went abruptly still, eyes wide as he started up at her.

"Xena? Um...the food wasn't _that_ bad, was it?"

"Shut up, Joxer." Her other hand slid under her kilt, quickly pulling open the ties of her loincloth.

"Urk!" It was a strange, strangled sound Joxer made when she tossed the thin piece of leather aside.

"Now Joxer," she kept her tone reasonable but tightened her grip a little more in his hair, pulling his head up. "If you're good, very, _very_ good with that tongue of yours, I won't tie you up and gag you the rest of the night."

For a moment he just started at her, unmoving. "Oh." A bare whisper seconds later. Then, "Oh!" And suddenly a grin stretched across his lips, an expression that was far removed from anything she'd seen on him before. This was...hungry.

"Oh." His hands were sliding up the outside of her thighs, pushing up her kilt. Such nice, strong hands.

"Xena?" He licked his lips, a deliberate, long, slow caress of his lips, leaving them so wet.

"What?" She gasped when he pressed those lips to the inside of her thigh.

"Do you think," another kiss, higher up, "maybe," higher again, "if I'm very, _very_ good..." Soft lips, so gentle, brushing over the top of her thigh. Then he stopped, looking up at her with that grin. "Do you think you could still tie me up?"

"Yeah," Xena returned the grin. She might've laughed even, if he hadn't chosen that moment to move higher still -- and made perfect use of that busy tongue of his.

Fin

(c) 1998-2006, Erin.


End file.
